Ellis cooked us a delicious curry dinner with loads of vegetables today. When I first met him he only knew how to cook toast with peanut butter, so he has improved!

Corn Fields

The nature here is beautiful, and I enjoy going for long walks with my boy. Today we ended up in a corn field, I don't think I've ever seen one before this.

Me Before You

Yesterday at the airport I bought a new book. Me Before You (I bought the Swedish one) seems to be everywhere now and since I heard such good things about it I've been curious. Last time I read something that was really popular I ended up disappointed after struggling with 50 Shades of Grey. I guess it just wasn't a book for me. But this new one was perfect! I'm half way through and I love it.

I also bought some English books today that will (hopefully) help me in Uni. :)

We're alive!

I just thought I'd say that we're in England and we're alive. Yesterday was such a long day, we we're at Gatwich Airport already at 09.00, but then we had to wait for our train for almost four hours. Our first train was late so we missed the second one. We came here probably at seven or something, and fell asleep pretty fast.

Today we went to the bank to talk about opening an English bank account. She wanted some passport details, and then she booked a meeting for me on Monday. I need to bring all information about my university, my Swedish bank and what I'm gonna do here... I hope everything goes well.

After the bank we went grocery shopping, and bought loads of food. Then Ellis went to work. :) He quit his main job already, but he still have two evenings a week at a shop.

29 August

I never thought this day would come.

I can finally start a life with my boy. <3

Adiós Suecia!

This is us

I'm trying to remember to be thankful for life and all the opportunities I get. This day has been full of both sad and happy tears. Sad because I'm leaving some of the people I love the most, but happy because I'm about to start my life in England. I feel blessed to have such amazing family and friends, who understands and supports me in everything I do. Thank you for all your love, you guys mean so much to me.

I can't even speak.

Jonas Gardell


My boy learning Swedish :)

Last Days

I can't believe it's only 2 days until I'm moving. I'm going from feeling really good to being so bad, but I guess that's a part of this. Today I need to pack the last things, go to the bank, get some passport photos and buy the last things I need. Tomorrow, the day before I move, we're going to watch the One Direction movie. My last day with my best friend.

Ellis and I have had a lot to do these last days. We've been to the cinema (The Heat & Monsters University), Gröna Lund and Wu-Tang, a bmx competition, Ikea, Skärholmen, and we were out running yesterday!

Wu-Tang @ grönalund


I worked my last day at coop last night. They gave me flowers, cinema tickets and wrote a lot of nice things on Facebook. <3 I'm gonna miss you guys!


I'm back in Stockholm after a really good time in Finland. I'm so glad Felicia could come with me, it made it all a lot better.

Now I'm at the bus station, waiting for my boy who should be here in 20 min. :)

Shopping Day

Today was a rainy day, perfect for shopping! Since I've been saving money for so long I haven't really been able to buy any new clothes for a long while... So today I bought a bag and new shoes, my two favourite things to buy. And loads of other things.

Tomorrow we're taking the boat back, and on Monday I'm meeting my favourite boy in Stockholm. I can't believe our long distance relationship is over! Amazing. :)


We're at my grandparents place now. Our trip went well and today we went to their summer house. Tomorrow is a shopping day!


Finland today. Felicia is spontaneously coming with me :)


I went to Ikea today and I'm feeling so inspired. I just wish I had my own home.

Not Good Enough

I seriously got the nicest comment ever, but I decided to not publish it because it felt a little too private. But I really appreciate what you said and it's nice to know that there actually is somebody who understands my stress, anxiety and panic. Like you said, it's easy for people to feel sorry for you, but they can never understand how it really feels. I wouldn't say that I talk a lot about my problems. I mention that I'm bad those days when it all really feels impossible so that my closest friends know that they should be nice that day, haha. But no seriously, they usually say 'it's gonna get better' (because they can't really say anything else, can they?) and then we change the subject. But it's nice to hear that somebody knows exactly how it feels, it takes that lonely feeling away for a little.
The thing is that all human beings suffer. It's just a question about time and reason, I guess my time has been now. I always feel stressed. Stressed about life, stressed about making the wrong decisions, about doing the wrong thing... I would say that everything stresses me more or less. I guess it's pretty normal to feel like this when you're young though. Life Changes, you grow up and the decisions you make now will decide pretty much your whole life (but you can of course just change your mind and decide something else later).
Another thing that really stresses me is the feeling of not being good enough. I want to be as good as I can for everyone I know, and I feel like I can't since I'm never gonne be able to be everywhere. My biggest fear is that people are gonna start thinking that I don't love them when I move to England. Like I chose a life in England over my family and friends. I can never feel that I'm a perfect friend that everyone deserves. I can never feel that anything I do makes me good enough as a girlfriend.
The never being good enough feeling goes hand in hand with the feeling of lonliness that I have sometimes. I feel unwanted and unloved (because I'm not good enough), even though I know that I have the greatest people who love me. It's hard to describe how it feels, and it's hard to know exactly where this all comes from, but I can tell you it's really hard.
Anyway, thank you so much for your comment. It warms my heart still.


I can't describe the stress I'm feeling all the time. It's hard to sleep, focus, and I don't get anything done at all. My belly hurts all the time and I'm more or less sick with a cold, probably fever tomorrow. I'm being a bitch to everyone, but I really feel horrible. It's gonna be great to go to Finland tomorrow. Just eat, sleep and being taking care of for a couple of days!
And Amy, to answer you question I'd say Ne-Yo :)

Ikea plans

It's crazy how expensive it is to move to another country. I felt pretty good about my money before and thought that I would have an okay ammount of money on my saving account when I left, but I obviously didn't think about how much all the preparations would cost. Tickets, extra bags, insurance, deposit, registration fee, all the things we need for our new home, bills you still have to pay in Sweden... I also need an English phone and have no idea where to get one yet.
I'm so thankful that I got all my extra shifts at Coop last month. Even if I'll never get paid like a full time worker, I'm still happy with the money I'm getting this month. And I really needed them, I have so much that I need to pay this month. To be really economic, Ellis and I looked at Ikea's website yesterday and decided everything we're gonna buy for our room. I also just ordered the cutest Moomin pillow cases ever! They are gonna look good with the sheets we're getting...


I'm trying to get used to that I'm not gonna be here soon. I'll miss all these little things.

World War

What a chaotic weekend. Not only am I stressed because of all the things I have on my mind, we also had a crazy day at work. All card payments stopped working because of a bank problem, and that happened in the middle of a rush. People got so mad, said and did nasty things, and the shop ended up looking like world war 2. I'm so tired right now.

Favourite Quotes

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."                
"We accept the love we think we deserve."            
"When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that's when I think life is over."                
"It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you."                
"Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you."                
"Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunk Christian."
"They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too."                
"People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."        

Miss You

I thought that things like this get better with time
But I still need you, why is that?
You're the only image in my mind
So I still see you... around

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
Said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?

Words don't ever seem to come out right
But I still mean them, why is that?
It hurts my pride to tell you how I feel
But I still need to, why is that?

I miss you, like everyday
Wanna be with you, but you're away
I said I miss you, missing you insane
But if I got with you, could it feel the same?

99 Problems

Before I started to work in a shop I actually thought that people didn't steel as much as they do. It really happens every day, all the time. Yesterday a woman came inside, took some beers and just walked out. What is wrong with people like that? Some even steel when they come in with their children, what good examples.

In Sweden you always have to pay 1 SEK extra for the bottle when you buy a drink, and then if you return the bottle you get it back. Anyway, this really is a problem, tourists never want to pay it. They start to ask if they can have it back now instead of returning it. Eh, the point is that you're gonna return it... Same thing with plastic bags! You have to pay 2 SEK and they complain and say that they don't have to pay in their own countries. Well, if it's a problem you can just bring your own bag. And it's good for the enviornment, why start bitchin about it?

And then there's just odd people. Yesterday a guy came in and asked for my number. 'I've seen you here a lot (well I work here, I'm not surprised you have), you look so beautiful, can I get your number? I want to take you out'. He smelt bad and wore dirty clothes, what did he think? Also, there's a man who always speaks French to me. I don't know if he thinks that I understand him, I just say 'yeah yeah' to everything.

Working in a shop might sound horrible now, but it actually is okay! Most people are really nice and we recognize so many of them because they keep coming back. I can't believe that I only have 3 shifts left, in 6 hours I'll only have 2.

Thrift Shop

I always struggle because I don't know how private I should keep my blog. I don't have many followers and I haven't really told many people about my writing, and most of my followers are just my closest friends. But at the same time I know that there's some people on here who has absolutely nothing to do with me. Who just read my blog to stalk me, more or less. I don't really care about them, but I don't feel like they need to know everything.
Hmm, I wonder what I should talk about now. I'm such a sleepy head and can't really think clearly. After finishing work at 12 today I came back home and fell alseep for a few hours. Then I spent the rest of the day in the sofa, watching movies and eating donuts. My mums friend was shocked yesterday when she saw me, apparently I've lost a lot of weight these last months. I haven't noticed it, and neither has my mum. But since she said I looked skinny I thought I'd eat some donuts to get calories back, haha.
Speaking of work, after tomorrow I only have two days left at Coop. How crazy isn't that? I work this Wednesday, and then the Wednesday after. Why I'm only having those two days is because I'm going to Finland for the weekend. Leaving on Thursday and coming back home on Monday. Ellis is coming from England that day, so we're gonna meet up in Stockholm. Then our long distance relationship is finally over. Is it okay to bake a cake or something to celebrate that? Or maybe go to dinner? It's gonna be almost 9 months in a long distance relationship. Damn we're good.

Get up

It starts to get dark pretty early, the air smells like fall and I actually think it's a little cold. People are complaining that summer is over, but I seriously have nothing to complain about. The thing I love about Sweden is that we have four seasons, and I think I can say that I like them all. Also, this time is what I've been waiting for since the start of this year.

It's crazy how it went both fast and slowly at the same time. It fels like I just started University (January) and Coop (March), but it feels like it's forever since i left England (June). Time really makes me nervous sometimes, but everything makes me nervous nowdays. Or at least everything about London. It's not only that it's a new country, it's a new university with new people, a 'new' language, a new way of living, a new kind of relationship. If only one thing could stay as it is. I guess that thing just has to be me.

It's not like I start to change my mind or that I'm scared that I'm gonna want to go home. It's just that I want everything to go well. I'm scared that I'm gonna do bad in school because I don't know the language good enough. I'm scared that I won't meet people in school that I actually like and who likes me. I'm scared of our way of living, that's what scares me the most. I just feel that I want my privacy. I want to be able to walk around how I want, do what I want, and don't have to deal with other people when I don't want to. We'll see how that goes.

Another thing that I'm scared of is getting sick. You guys who actually know me, know that I get sick often. And when it happens I also get really bad. I was week for four weeks in Spain last year, I honestly thought I was gonna die. And that's when you wish you lived on your own so other people don't get annoyed when you're coughing and staying up all night. I even went home to Sweden for a week last year when I was really bad. This year I've only been really sick once (ta i trä eller vad det heter!) and I hope it stays like this. Maybe my immune system got better? I guess I'll find out soon anyway, my mum is having a relative over who just got really sick.

I go from being really excited to being really anxious in only a few seconds. I decided to not think about England too much these last weeks. Of course I have to get prepared and pack, but I'm trying not to think about all these things that worries me. I don't want to plan anything but doing great at university and get a job that I like. I just have to leave everything else until later.

When I'm there I'm gonna have to be so proud of myself. I have to remember that.

Sleepless night

It's crazy how much a sleepless night can do. Or not do. It's hard to sleep because you're too tired, you feel sick if you eat because you're so tired and hungry, you're brain doesn't really work and the most simple things are suddenly hard to understand.

Remind me that I'm gonna live on an island in the future. With no people, so they can't have parties all night. Seriously, go somewhere else.

Advice from a tree


I just saw the cutest thing ever. A girl on the train was on the phone with somebody telling how nervous she was. She was taking deep breaths and even shaking a little. When it was time to get off a boy stood on the platform in his nicest t-shirt (probably) waiting for her, with flowers in his hands. They both smiled and ran into each others arms. That's love.

Life is a beautiful struggle

I have so much on my mind right now, and when I sort one thing out there always comes a new list with things to do. I'm working all weekend, but after this I will hopefully have a litte more time to really start taking care of everything that needs to be done. At least I fixed CSN today, so the biggest problem has been taking care of if it goes as I planned.

Teenage Boys

Two teenage boys at Ica today.
1: It's already friday man, what are you doing this weekend?
2: I don't know man, I have no plans
1: Do you wanna go to the gym tomorrow? Erik and I are going
2: Sounds good man, I'm always there on Saturdays
1: Alright man...
... conversation continues
How do they manage to say 'man' that many times in like 30 sec?
Maybe I should start calling my friends after sexes.
Alright men and women, I'm off to work


One week until Finland.
Two weeks until Wu-Tang.
Three weeks until I'm leaving.
Somebody asked me if I feel anxious at all about moving. Of course I do! Every day. I go from being excited and thinking that it's gonna be amazing, to worry about what could or couldn't happen. I'm worried that I'm gonna miss people here. But I think everyone should feel a little anxious. I wanted to die Before BCN last year, and everything went well.
I actually started to pack today. I'm planning to have two bags with me, one that's really big and one that's a bit smaller. I almost filled the little one up already, and only with shoes... I'm not the typical girl who has ten pairs of heels, but I just know that I'm gonna need running shoes, Indoor gym shoes, Vans, and so on...
Sara was here earlier and we talked about everything. It feels so good to have a great friend who just listens and supports you whatever you do. And I'm really looking forward to have her in London to visit us. It's gonna be great.
Sleepy girl checking out.

Late nights

When you have a long distance relationship you can't really have a normal night together, so we need to have it on the phone.


Feel this moment

My uni has finally taken my registration fee, so I hope things start to happen now. I have been feeling so stressed lately, since I haven't even been able to contact CSN yet. Now I just hope that I get all the information I need to apply, and that there won't be any problems getting my loan. What if I go to England, and then they just say 'No sorry, you won't get it'. Or even worse, if they don't even say sorry, haha! No that just can't happen... they don't really have a reason to say no. I'm starting to feel a little sick, tomorrow it's exactly three weeks until I leave.
I also realised that I only have five or six shifts left at work. Most of them are this weekend, because next week I'm going to Finland. Then I have one left when I get back... My last week in Sweden I'm going to spend with my friends and my boyfriend. I really look forward to Wu-Tang. We're gonna spend all day at Gröna Lund and then see them in the evening. :)

Running Shoes

I'm so happy, because I got new running shoes today! My old ones (they were only a few months old) broke, and I went to Inter Sport and asked if I could get new ones a few weeks ago. Now they finally called me today and said they had the new ones :)

And of course I went for a walk to try them, perfecto. 

Despicable Me

Haha I had no idea it's possible to send things like this on Facebook, I'm feeling so old! And I still haven't watched these movies, not even the first one...

Lucky Girl

I've had such a cosy night at home. Watching all the tv-shows that I like, talking to people I like, about things I like... I'm starting to get a little sleepy now. Maybe I should go out for a little while, the air smells so fresh.

I'm also thinking about how lucky I am to have my amazing friends. I know that people love me, and it's such a good feeling. We always take things for granted and never think about what we actually have. I'm really a lucky girl <3


Top Model

Sanna came to Coop today. She had no idea that I work there, and she thought I already left. That reminded me of how many people I should meet before I move... But I'm just here eating fruits and watching Top Model.


I was talking to a costumer at work today.

Me: Hej Hej
C: Hello, how are you today?
Me: I'm good, thank you. How are you?
C: I'm good!
Me: Where are you from, England?
C: Yes yes, from London!
Me: Really? I'm moving there soon
C: Really? Haha why? You're better of here, all European countries are better than England. Scandinavia is the best!
Me: Aha... Hehe....
C: Good luck in London, you'll be back in a month!

Costumer walks away.... Hahaha, what a happy boy.

Vampire Boyfriend?

Wu-Tang @ Gröna Lund

I was on lunch reading the newspaper when I saw this Wu-Tang thing. It's only a little more than two weeks left, I'm so excited :)

Island Kiss

It's finally Monday again, which means it's only two weeks until Ellis is here again. These first 1,5 felt like forever, but they always do. These last ones are gonna go a lot faster. When we see each other next time, our long distance relationship is over. And we're starting a 'normal' relationship. It doesn't feel like it's actually gonna happen... So crazy!

Today I'm going to the dentist. :( Even though I always take care of my teeth very well, there's always something wrong with them. So probably this time too... After the dentist I'm working 11.00-18.00, nice to finish early for once!

Btw, I was a lucky girl yesterday. Mama bought me two pairs of tights, and then I bought a third pair myself. The ones in the middle are really black and the ones on the right are camo green, they just look weird in the picture. I also got a perfume from my cousins, muchas gracias!

Take Care of Yourself



I'm out on my second long walk today. Just bought some snacks and having a break in the evening sun.


The Pride festival in Sweden is almost over, and I just want to say how happy and proud I am to live in a country where you don't have to be straight to get accepted. I hope all of you who were in Stockholm this weekend had a great time. I couldn't go to the festival because of work, but I had my Pride flag hanging in my room.

I Miss You...

So much.

Roll Up

I was going to reply to a comment, but instead of replying I deleted it by accident, i guess I still don't know how to use correctly in my phone, haha. So I'll just answer here:

First you asked where and how much I work. I work in a grocery store on the main train station in Stockholm. We're always busy because of the location I think, and that's why it's pretty stressful. :) I used to work maybe 12 hours/week when I first started, but I studied at that time too. Now in the summer I've had 4 weeks off so I could go to England and spend time with Ellis when he was here, so now I'm trying to work as much as I can.

And your other question was about how I met Ellis and what my plan is for England right? I met him in October last year when I was studying in Barcelona. We met a couple of times and when he went back to England we kept talking every day. A couple of weeks later he came to see me again and since then we've had a long distance relationship.

Ellis is coming here on August 19th and then we're going to England on 29th. The first weeks we're gonna stay at his mums, and then we're moving to London. I'm gonna study tourism. :)


Dags för Ellis att lära sej Svenska :)

Whatever you like

I'm having some problems with instagram. Since I made my account private I have to accept people before they can follow me, but the problem is that I can't accept anyone... So every time I want to accept someone I need to change the settings, and then change them back again. It feels pointless to have it like this, but there's not much I can do.
Today is going to be the hottest day of the year, and guess what? I'm working! Today I just have an evening shift, but tomorrow I took an extra shift, 12-21. And on Monday I have 11-18. I'm happy though, I really need as much money as I can get for England.
I still can't believe that I'm leaving in only a couple of weeks. It just doesn't feel real.

A Day With My Homie

I spent all day in Stockholm with Mathias, walking around in the sun. I really need more days like this, they're so cosy.

Now I just escaped from home. Since all my relatives are staying at our house, I decided to sleep at my mum's friends house. Perfect.

Friday Friday

What a nice sleep I just had. I still feel a bit tired but that's more than okay since I have another day off today. I'm gonna spend it with my dear friend Mathias. We're meeting at one at the train station, but we don't know what to do yet.

I just cleaned the apartment. My mum is coming home from Finland today, and she's bringing her sister and my cousins so I thought it could be nice if it was clean when they arrive. I'm not gonna see them much though. They are gonna sleep here tonight and on Sunday, tomorrow they are going to a wedding.

Today it's 17 days until he's here again.

Just A Dream

I was at the top and now its like I'm in  the basement
Number 1 spot, Now  she find her a replacement
I swear  now I can't take it
Knowing  somebody's got my baby
Now you  ain't around, baby I can't think
I  shoulda put it down, shoulda got that ring
Cause  I can still feel it in the air
See  her pretty face, run my fingers through her hair
My love of my life,  My shawty, my wife
She left me, Im  tied
.Cause I knew that it just ain't  right

I was thinking about her
Thinking about me 
Thinking about us 
What we gunna be? 
Open my eyes,
it was only just a dream...

Only girl in the world

A lot of people at Coop bought flowers yesterday. Most of them were young guys, buying to their girlfriends I guess. A girl I worked with wondered where our flowers are.

Today an old man told me about how he lost the love of his life a long time ago. A sad story, I felt sorry for him.

I felt sorry for myself because I am in so much pain, so after motivating myself to go out for hours, I finally did. I went to Coop to buy candy and stuff, but on my way home it started to rain a lot. Also, I miss my boyfriend.

I felt like the most lonely girl for a short time, until I talked to my best friend on the phone. It's crazy how another person can cheer you up.

Now I'm gonna put my pyjama on and watch tv forever.

The Best Things


Children See Children Do

No Pain No Gain

They asked me if I could work extra today, but since I still had a headache and felt tired I said no. And thank God I did! Today I woke up with the worst period pain ever. So I'm just gonna rest, go to lunch with my dad and... Eat more.

Muchas gracias for this comment btw:

RSS 2.0