Yesterday at the airport I bought a new book. Me Before You (I bought the Swedish one) seems to be everywhere now and since I heard such good things about it I've been curious. Last time I read something that was really popular I ended up disappointed after struggling with 50 Shades of Grey. I guess it just wasn't a book for me. But this new one was perfect! I'm half way through and I love it.
I also bought some English books today that will (hopefully) help me in Uni. :)
I just thought I'd say that we're in England and we're alive. Yesterday was such a long day, we we're at Gatwich Airport already at 09.00, but then we had to wait for our train for almost four hours. Our first train was late so we missed the second one. We came here probably at seven or something, and fell asleep pretty fast.
Today we went to the bank to talk about opening an English bank account. She wanted some passport details, and then she booked a meeting for me on Monday. I need to bring all information about my university, my Swedish bank and what I'm gonna do here... I hope everything goes well.
After the bank we went grocery shopping, and bought loads of food. Then Ellis went to work. :) He quit his main job already, but he still have two evenings a week at a shop.
I'm trying to remember to be thankful for life and all the opportunities I get. This day has been full of both sad and happy tears. Sad because I'm leaving some of the people I love the most, but happy because I'm about to start my life in England. I feel blessed to have such amazing family and friends, who understands and supports me in everything I do. Thank you for all your love, you guys mean so much to me.
I can't believe it's only 2 days until I'm moving. I'm going from feeling really good to being so bad, but I guess that's a part of this. Today I need to pack the last things, go to the bank, get some passport photos and buy the last things I need. Tomorrow, the day before I move, we're going to watch the One Direction movie. My last day with my best friend.
Ellis and I have had a lot to do these last days. We've been to the cinema (The Heat & Monsters University), Gröna Lund and Wu-Tang, a bmx competition, Ikea, Skärholmen, and we were out running yesterday!
Today was a rainy day, perfect for shopping! Since I've been saving money for so long I haven't really been able to buy any new clothes for a long while... So today I bought a bag and new shoes, my two favourite things to buy. And loads of other things.
Tomorrow we're taking the boat back, and on Monday I'm meeting my favourite boy in Stockholm. I can't believe our long distance relationship is over! Amazing. :)
I seriously got the nicest comment ever, but I decided to not publish it because it felt a little too private. But I really appreciate what you said and it's nice to know that there actually is somebody who understands my stress, anxiety and panic. Like you said, it's easy for people to feel sorry for you, but they can never understand how it really feels. I wouldn't say that I talk a lot about my problems. I mention that I'm bad those days when it all really feels impossible so that my closest friends know that they should be nice that day, haha. But no seriously, they usually say 'it's gonna get better' (because they can't really say anything else, can they?) and then we change the subject. But it's nice to hear that somebody knows exactly how it feels, it takes that lonely feeling away for a little.
The thing is that all human beings suffer. It's just a question about time and reason, I guess my time has been now. I always feel stressed. Stressed about life, stressed about making the wrong decisions, about doing the wrong thing... I would say that everything stresses me more or less. I guess it's pretty normal to feel like this when you're young though. Life Changes, you grow up and the decisions you make now will decide pretty much your whole life (but you can of course just change your mind and decide something else later).
Another thing that really stresses me is the feeling of not being good enough. I want to be as good as I can for everyone I know, and I feel like I can't since I'm never gonne be able to be everywhere. My biggest fear is that people are gonna start thinking that I don't love them when I move to England. Like I chose a life in England over my family and friends. I can never feel that I'm a perfect friend that everyone deserves. I can never feel that anything I do makes me good enough as a girlfriend.
The never being good enough feeling goes hand in hand with the feeling of lonliness that I have sometimes. I feel unwanted and unloved (because I'm not good enough), even though I know that I have the greatest people who love me. It's hard to describe how it feels, and it's hard to know exactly where this all comes from, but I can tell you it's really hard.
Anyway, thank you so much for your comment. It warms my heart still.
I can't describe the stress I'm feeling all the time. It's hard to sleep, focus, and I don't get anything done at all. My belly hurts all the time and I'm more or less sick with a cold, probably fever tomorrow. I'm being a bitch to everyone, but I really feel horrible. It's gonna be great to go to Finland tomorrow. Just eat, sleep and being taking care of for a couple of days!
It's crazy how expensive it is to move to another country. I felt pretty good about my money before and thought that I would have an okay ammount of money on my saving account when I left, but I obviously didn't think about how much all the preparations would cost. Tickets, extra bags, insurance, deposit, registration fee, all the things we need for our new home, bills you still have to pay in Sweden... I also need an English phone and have no idea where to get one yet.
I'm so thankful that I got all my extra shifts at Coop last month. Even if I'll never get paid like a full time worker, I'm still happy with the money I'm getting this month. And I really needed them, I have so much that I need to pay this month. To be really economic, Ellis and I looked at Ikea's website yesterday and decided everything we're gonna buy for our room. I also just ordered the cutest Moomin pillow cases ever! They are gonna look good with the sheets we're getting...
What a chaotic weekend. Not only am I stressed because of all the things I have on my mind, we also had a crazy day at work. All card payments stopped working because of a bank problem, and that happened in the middle of a rush. People got so mad, said and did nasty things, and the shop ended up looking like world war 2. I'm so tired right now.
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best."
"We accept the love we think we deserve."
"When you have nobody you can make a cup of tea for, when nobody needs you, that's when I think life is over."
"It was a mistake," you said. But the cruel thing was, it felt like the mistake was mine, for trusting you."
"Don't cry over someone who wouldn't cry over you."
"Better to sleep with a sober cannibal than a drunk Christian."
"They've promised that dreams can come true - but forgot to mention that nightmares are dreams, too."
"People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past."
